Hello, hi! I am alive just in case anyone was going out of their head with worry.
Many lovely things have happened since my last post. Well, two things mostly: I spent a month in Hawaii, and I have a darling niece named Ella Beth.
First: Hawaii was nice, pretty, sunny, beach-y, etc. etc. But lacking the culture I expected. BUT, I hiked, I swam, I jumped off waterfalls. I drank wine, I ate great food, I slept in. I partook in a few enlightening conversations, fell in love with a Great Dane named Pongo, and ate fresh fish from the sea! I applied sunscreen constantly and came back whiter than I left. It was a nice experience... living in Hawaii for a short while. But, I find myself very happy to be on landlocked Earth again.
A secluded little spot we found on O'ahu:
But the big news is here: I am an aunt to a beautiful baby girl named Ella. She is precious. And, I know, as the aunt and godmother, I am obligated to say nice things about this child. But I really mean it. As a self-proclaimed-not-crazy-about-kids lady, I have found myself completely consumed with this child. She is such a blessing. Yes, a blessing.
Beyond these things, I have absolutely not interesting news.
I am a 23 year-old college graduate who is jobless and living in one her parents' spare bedrooms. I play with my puppies, I help with Ella, I send out resumes. This. is. my. life. And it's okay for now.
Cheers.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Leaving for Hawaii on Wednesday. Oh. My. Gawh.
Must do the following things prior to Wednesday:
1. Pack up entire flat
2. Clean entire flat
3. Move out of said flat
4. Work every night until I leave
5. Dentist appointment
6. 80 minute massage & pedicure
Well, what a long and rather uneventful holiday weekend. But that's alright. I spent most of my time researching potential jobs (mainly eco-jobs in the Midwest) and daydreaming about my trip to Hawaii! I spoke to Cristin, R.M.'s cousin who we will be staying with, a day or two ago and she told me about Hanauma Bay (http://www.hanauma-bay-hawaii.com/). This place looks amazing! Although I snorkeled in the Dominican and was a liiiiittle freaked out, I think I would be okay in this situation. More shallow water, etc. In Punta Cana, my girlfriends and I took a rickety old boat out to (what seemed like) the middle of the ocean, threw on some B-rate snorkeling gear, proceeded to jump off the rickety old boat, and swim around aimlessly as the owner of crappy boat threw bread chunks near all of our heads so fish would swarm to our faces! It was close to terrible. Anyway, Hanauma Bay looks much more relaxing (and safe). For now, though, I'm stuck in La Crosse -- just working and starting my work out regimen as of today! Must lose the very sneaky ten pounds that accumulated throughout the winter-time. After receiving all of my bikinis from Victoria's Secret last week, I realized I must devote this month before I leave to getting myself back into bikini-wearing shape. I'm actually pretty excited for it.
Well, that is all for me. The gym opens at noon and I have to work at 3:30. So not much time. Cheers!
One of my dearest friends, James, is competing for his own talk show on Oprah's new network "OWN". James is absolutely wonderful -- generous, kind, silly, talented, and absolutely hysterical -- all of the adjectives which make up a really fantastic person. I think anyway.
As much as I will miss this city after five years of calling it home, I am beyond excited to find out where life has to take me. All I know is this for certain: life will be taking me to HAWAII for at least awhile! R.M., one of his brothers, J, and I will be going to Hawaii to stay with R.M.'s cousin and husband in Honolulu. I simply cannot wait to lay on the beach and just exist. I will finish out (most) of my lease at this flat and bartend for the time being. Then fly out for Honolulu sometime in late June. (!!!)
Yay for life post-graduation :) !
Track du Moment: "Shannon Rhodes" by Damien Jurado
TODAY is the FINAL day of my undergraduate experience here at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse. Wow. I am truly speechless (or, um, wordless). I will go return all of my textbooks for the very last time and hand in a paper I have been working on for a YEAR. Then graduation tomorrow? Really? Surreal.
All I can muster up is that this American Spirit I'm smoking this morning and this cup of coffee I'm drinking have never tasted so damn good.
I feel so out of the blogging loop! My last semester of school balanced with volunteering at the Eco Park, bartending, and my extensive social life has become absolutely consuming! But in a good way I guess. I really have been enjoying myself. PLUS, my college career is quickly approaching an end. I graduate May 15th. So exciting. I was talking to a friend a few days ago about how strange it will be to not be a student anymore. We (meaning anyone who has been in school for 18+ years) have been labeled as "student" for so long. It's bizarre to think that the label we have adorned for nearly a lifetime will soon change.
I can't help but wonder... what's next?
So I guess this is somewhat of a plug I'm posting for a friend's band, Fragile. But whatever, even if they weren't fabulous people and friends, I would still publish this post. They are an incredibly talented group of guys who will release their debut album "This Land Will Be Civilized" in May (which is fantastic, by the way).
Side note: I'm going to see them perform at First Ave in Minneapolis tomorrow night and simply cannot wait.
Well, the Bazan show was incredible. Just incredible. Great performance by the entire band (+ Dave of course). He played a lot of old Pedro The Lion tracks which R.M. and I were thrilled with. And the Turf Club turned out to be a very cool venue. We were accompanied by great friends, and the night was just a beautiful success!
Although the Monday night extravaganza left me a bit tired -- I ended up missing both of my classes on Tuesday and napping instead. And even this morning, I embarrassed myself pretty bad in pilates class. Oh well. Well worth it.
Okay. That's enough already. I am rambling on...... and on. Happy Wednesday evening, all.
1. Closing the bar tonight with two of my favorite co-workers. (This means free Ketel One and sodas, American Spirits, giggles, and a fair amount of complaining.)
2. Celebrating Easter tomorrow with the family +1 handsome boyfriend (hopefully).
3. Seeing David Bazan + Headlights Monday night at the Turf Club with beautiful people.
4. Saturday night in Minneapolis with dear friends who are scattered about the Midwest (!).
"Have you ever seen a mini with such large hands?"
Since when did my friends start getting pregnant?! Does this mean that I really am getting old? Kidding. I am but 22 ....but seriously.
A wonderful friend from middle school (and so on) is expecting near the end of May! How exciting it must be to be a pregnant woman. I mean, despite your vagina being on display regularly at doctor appointments, the fact that you are carrying a living being in your own bod (!), the whole water breaking when you aren't expecting it thing, the strange cravings you endure (I had a friend crave styrofoam, and another sidewalk chalk!) -- BUT, despite those few things, it truly is a beautiful thing. I mean it. Pregnant women are gorgeous creatures.
The beautifully pregnant Rochelle had her baby shower this past Sunday. It was wonderful to be surrounded by old friends and especially the old friend that has gained over 40 pounds in her stomach ONLY. Hehe, don't kill me for this, Ro ....photos:
James, me (must stop weird head cocking thing in photographs), and the pregnant lady (with Baby Harlow)!
James, Whitney, me, a severed deer head.
Look at this gorgeous mother-to-be holding up her favorite gift of the day. ;) Which was obviously from me. "The Hippie Aunt". How adorable though? A silk embroidered dress with little baby mocosain-like sandals. I was seriously scouring the other side of Gap for this outfit in my size ...to no avail.
James, me, love.
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Speaking of exciting baby news .....I am going to be an aunt again! Have I mentioned that on this blog yet? Hmmm ...My sister, Kim, found out just this morning that she is having a little baby girl. I am beyond thrilled and absolutely cannot wait until August 27 (her due date).
I have had such a wonderful week. Great friends visited La Crosse and fun times were had by all. I have such beautiful/creepy friends. A perfect combination. See here:
I had the strangest dreams last night. Maybe it was the PBR. Maybe it was the embarrassing numbers of hours spent dancing like an idiot to bad karaoke at a bad bar. I guess no one will ever really know.
Either way, the following creatures were involved:
Bizarre, no?
So. I think I may be a little out of my head this afternoon. Must nap before dinner with the girls. Jesus.
That's right, I'm back. After a rather long blogging hiatus. I am sure everyone is just elated.
These past two weeks have been a safe mix of fun, relaxing, tumultuous, and some other adjective I can't think of right now.
As mentioned in a previous post, I flew down and visited my parents in Florida for 5 days. It was a very nice, short and sweet getaway. My mother and dad were staying in townhouse (with their dogs) and my sister and I stayed in the townhouse next door. Falling asleep and waking up the ocean right outside the bedroom window was absolutely fantastic. And makes me wonder why I am still living in the Midwest? Anyway, it was nice to hang with the family each day and take the puppies for walks multiples times a day in the Florida sunshine. My aunt and uncle were staying in a condo about a mile down from our townhouses, so we would walk the beach to go visit them as well. It was all very nice. ...Until the trip back home. My sister and I endured so many delays with our flights and ended up traveling home for nearly 16 hours. Gross. I hate being delayed in airports. Especially with my crabby sister who hates flying and hates being delayed more than anyone I have ever met. While I am trying to make the long day tolerable and fun, she is complaining to pretty much anyone who will listen. Oh well. That is Kim, and how she has always been I guess. I should be more used to it.
Once we finally made it back to my parents' house, I spent time with some good friends and visited R.M.'s family for a couple of days which was fantastic. There is never a dull moment at R.M.'s parents' house. With four boys, I guess there really shouldn't be. Very fun.
Now, though, I am back in La Crosse which feels incredible. I've missed my flat and not constantly being surrounded by people. (Is that wrong to say?) It is just nice to be home I guess.
Well that's all I got for this afternoon. I am feel thoroughly exhausted for some reason. I closed the bar last night with my friend/co-worker, TJ, which was very enjoyable but draining. Willie Nelson played at the venue directly across the street from the hotel so we were insanely busy. It felt good to get back into the swing of things, but now I am tired and have so much to do. Missing a week of classes = endless amounts of make-up papers to complete. Papers which I have not started (I refused to do anything academically-related in Florida, and I can never get anything done at my parents' house). So, today, at some point, I must be incredibly productive and whip out a few papers I have been putting off for two weeks. Should be a great day.
I will have to post a few photos from my getaway. There are a couple good ones on my mother's camera if I remember correctly. Stay tuned.
I have been pining over these Aquatalia by Marvin K. "Yasmine" shoes for nearly a week now.
Aren't they lovely? Even more lovely when worn with tights and shorts. Yes, I've tried them on from my favorite shoe store here in La Crosse (www.shopkickshoes.com). But, they are $325. A little much for my poor college student-like budget.
*Sigh* :)
Track du Moment: "Oh What A World" by Rufus Wainwright
It is Thursday! Classes are finished, naps have been had, coffee has been drunk, and now I am very much ready for this evening.
As I mentioned in a previous post, Thursday nights are reserved for cheap beer, my weirdo friends, and karaoke at The Cav.
LOVELY.
And what's more is that R.M.'s entire family (minus one brother) is coming up for the evening.
LOVELY.
Also, I finally booked my plane ticket to visit my parents in Florida the week prior to my spring break! Florida sunshine, my mother and dad, my wonderful sister, and our dogs all packed into an ocean front condo for a week or so.
LOVELY!
Now, feast your eyes:
Well, this is a photo of my friends and me in the
Dominican two years ago, but you know.
It's still an ocean. It's still sunshine.
Take me out tonight
where there's music and there's people
who are young and alive
driving in your car
I never never want to go home
because I haven't got one anymore
Take me out tonight
because I want to see people
and I want to see life
driving in your car
oh please don't drop me home
because it's not my home, it's their home
and I'm welcome no more
And if a double-decker bus
crashes in to us
to die by your side
is such a heavenly way to die
and if a ten ton truck
kills the both of us
to die by your side
well the pleasure, the privilege is mine
Take me out tonight
take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
and in the darkened underpass
I thought Oh God, my chance has come at last
but then a strange fear gripped me
and I just couldn't ask
Take me out tonight
oh take me anywhere, I don't care
I don't care, I don't care
driving in your car
I never never want to go home
because I haven't got one
no, I haven't got one
And if a double-decker bus
crashes in to us
to die by your side
is such a heavenly way to die
and if a ten ton truck
kills the both of us
to die by your side
well the pleasure, the privilege is mine
There is a light that never goes out
There is a light that never goes out
There is a light that never goes out
There is a light that never goes out
These past few weeks have been a beautiful whirlwind.
Filled with work, class, family, friends, and smile-inducing love which fills my everyday.
I have hardly a complaint.
__________
School is going well. Tedious, but less time-consuming this semester as I have been skipping several classes each week (and don't have classes on Fridays). My weeks practically fly by! This, I know, is partially (mostly) due to the fact that my partner in crime is once again present in my life and makes each day/night a fun little adventure. Few people can make Mondays tolerable and, dare I say, incredibly enjoyable. But, you know, I found one of those people. So all days are fairly spontaneous and very fun.
___________
I will be volunteering at an Eco-Park this semester. I am very much looking forward to this. I will be committing a few hours every week to this NPO as part of a semester long project for my Environmental Studies capstone course. But, truthfully, it has been something I have wanted to do for nearly two years now but just failed to follow through with. I will be helping out in the offices of the Eco-Park building (excited to learn the ins-and-outs of a successful NPO), as well as leading group tours through the forest and marsh land surrounding the park. However, the main part of my "job" will be taking children on mini-adventures through the forest/marsh and teaching them about conversation, preservation, and local wildlife. I am pretty excited for this to get started. Stayed tuned for Eco-Park updates.
___________
Thursday:
This weekend has been such a success thus far. As I mentioned previously, I have zero classes on Friday so I consider my weekends to start on Thursday (love this). Thursday night was spent karaoke-ing at one of our favorite bars, The Cavalier. This is a Thursday night tradition of sorts which I look forward to all week! Thursday nights spent with (good and) bad karaoke, lovely friends, pitchers of Spotted Cow, my flask of cheap whiskey, dorky dancing (okay, I really am the only one of the group who deserves that adjective), and American Spirits is nothing short of an ideal evening for me. I am so lucky to be surrounded by such a hilariously beautiful group of people each week.
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Friday:
Yesterday was spent with R.M.'s family (also in Central WI). Which was fabulous, of course. Each member of his family is absolutely hysterical and such a pleasure to spend time with --- a bunch of crazy free-spirits that I will truly never be able to get enough of. I am giggling just thinking about him and his ridiculous brothers.
___________
Saturday:
Now, tonight, I am at my parents' place. Just went to a movie and picked up dinner with my mother and sister. And for now I am relaxing while my sister and mother click away at their laptops (and I click away at their desktop computer) and my dad intently watches the Olympics (he just cannot get enough --- I think he is secretly jealous of the competing cross-country skiiers as he has always loved skiing, and had high hopes for my younger sister and me to become great skiiers after buying us our first pair of CC skiis when I was barely 5 years-old and Kim was only 3, ha).
___________
An embarrassing entertaining bit of my past:
Many of my dad's athletic dreams for me were lost and forgotten about when I was still very young. First, after I ran to the wrong bases at a softball game (I'm serious) and quit immediately after the game.
Second, after my ponytail got caught in the goalie net at a soccer game --- so badly, in fact, the refs were forced to stop the game and both coaches (as well as a couple of sweet/sympathetic mothers) rushed to the net to help set me free (I believe I also quit after this game).
Third, when I cried at every single basketball practice and game due to the fact that my coaches were "mean" and "yelled all of the time" (turns out each of these post-coaches' daughters are now two of my very best friends).
Once again, after I didn't make the volleyball team (quite possibly the only sport I had the possibility of excelling at).
And finally (yes, finally), after I made the silly (and downright dangerous) mistake of attempting gymnastics. Yes, gymnastics. Running, leotards, and coordination required. What the hell was I thinking? It was all very embarrassing.
Oh well. At least I'm alright at pilates and yoga.
________________
_________________________
Track/Video du Moment: "Two Weeks" by Grizzly Bear
What an Internet haitus I have been on! Truthfully, I enjoyed every second of it. Now, though, it is time for a bit of a recap on my illustrious life.
School is going on. Blah. Nothing to say about this really. I am taking my Communication Studies (Advocacy & Cultural Criticism) capstone course which is wildly intense, but I knew this course was waiting for me my last semester. I am also in two political science courses (News Media & Politics and Intro to Public Administration). I enjoy them both fine, but the latter seems incredibly elementary. Maybe that is why I have been to 2 out of the 6 classes so far this semester. Oh well. My professor for the News Media course is great though. Wild, funny, honest and swears a lot. I like that. My favorite class by far, though, is my Environmental Studies capstone course. I'm one of only seven students in this course and the discussions are incredible. So many intelligent minds to bounce ideas off of. I have met some of the most interesting people (students and professors alike) in my Environmental Studies courses. I feel so lucky to be a (tiny) part of this program.
_______________
Also! I have had an epiphany of sorts. I will not be going to law school in the fall. Phew. It felt great to even just type those words. What a goddamn relief. There has been something weighing on me --- weighing on my mind and body, harrassing me with anxiety and constant worry. Finally, one day, I figured out the culprit: the LSAT, the thought of entering law school two months after completing my undergrad, the thought of being tied down to another school for three years.
Finally, one afternoon while listening to The Smiths, reading Ishmael and smoking an American Spirit everything became crystal clear: I don't want to go to law school in the fall. I don't want to take the LSAT on February 6th. I just don't want to! There has been a deep, partially hidden hesitation of sorts I have been feeling since September-ish when I decided that law school was the way to go. I thought it was nerves, my insecurities with taking standardized tests, the daunting task of applying to professional school while still completing my undergrad. I blamed my surroundings, my state of mind, my personal circumstances. I blamed pretty much everything to be totally honest. Other than, of course, the fact that I just really don't want to go.
After months and months of denial, I acted on these hesitations and decided to skip my LSAT last Saturday and not apply to law school in the fall. It was a truly incredible feeling. I cannot put it into words. I literally could not stop smiling for two days straight. It felt like a 9384938 pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My mind feels clearer and my future never more bright.
I just kept telling myself that I am twenty-two years old. I am so young! It's unbelievable! And as great as it is for some people to go onto professional/grad school right after completing their undergrad is --- I am just not one of those people. I need to figure things out before I'm thrown into another life of academics. I'm not 100% certain as to what I'll do, but I have a feeling whatever it is will be filled with all things magical --- love, laughter and beautiful people. I have so much confidence in that. It feels absolutely true and honest. I feel so content with my decision. I have never felt more free. Just happy.
_________________
I hope everyone feels as happy, young and free as I do right now.
However, I don't hope everyone has two papers to write tonight like I do. I must be off.
(I shall delve into this more later, when I feel up to it.)
_______________________
For now, though, I am afraid I have fallen quite ill. My voice has been mysteriously disappearing during these past few days. My throat hasn't hurt, and I have felt all-around just fine. I have just sounded ridiculous. Unfortunately, all things came to a head for me last night as I now have a terrible cough, hardly any voice at all, and a touch of food poisoning. Perfect! I love spending my weekends in my bed.
Oh well. Could be far worse.
I finally built up enough energy to make it to the Walgreens around 5:00PM today. And I think the drugs (and low-cal Gatorade) are really helping. Thank goodness... because I have a movie date tomorrow night! *Smile* I am finally going to see Up In The Air at a discount theatre downtown. Very excited. Must feel better. Nobody likes the annoying cougher in a movie theatre.
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As for tonight, though, I plan on reading (and possibly finishing) Ishmael and watching The Hurt Locker (very excited to finally see this film as well), and, of course, resting my weary body.
Happy Saturday! Somebody please have a dirty vodka martini for me. Or at least a tall can of PBR and an American Spirit.
"There's nothing fundamentally wrong with people. Given a story to enact that puts them in accord with the world, they will live in accord with the world. But given a story to enact that puts them at odds with the world, as yours does, they will live at odds with the world. Given a story to enact in which they are the lords of the world, they will act like lords of the world. And, given a story to enact in which the world is a foe to be conquered, they will conquer it like a foe, and one day, inevitably, their foe will lie bleeding to death at their feet, as the world is now."
(500) Days of Summer has taught me the following things:
Have absolutely NO expectations. Ever.
Never buy a greeting card. Ever.
Oh, and that I should probably never date. You know, ever, ever, ever again.
Even with those fun lessons learned, I truly did enjoy the film. I really dig Zooey Deschanel (Summer); and how handsome/adorable/lovable was Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Tom)?! He has experienced some, uh, changes since 3rd Rock From The Sun (looooved that show).
Photo via Google Images
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On a separate note, I am fairly certain my iTunes was trying to entice me to jump out of my window this afternoon.
Here we go:
I am in my living room having a nice afternoon post-work out and errands --- I am reading, writing a little, and feeling pleasant. Then I make the innocent mistake of deciding to start up my iTunes and listen to a little music while relaxing. iTunes loads and I hit the shuffle button at the bottom of my iTunes window. Keep in mind: I have nearly 4,000 songs in my iTunes library.
First song that randomly plays: "Walk Away" by Ben Harper. Has anyone ever heard this absolutely heartwrenching (depressing) song?! Oh god, it's terrible!
So I walk over to my laptop, skip this suicidal thought enducing tune to the next random song. My laptop sang "House Of The Rising Sun". Ahhh, The Doors. I was content once again....... for four minutes and thirty-two seconds anyway.
Next song up: "Lover I Don't Have To Love" by Bright Eyes. Jesus Christ. At this point, I am thinking my computer has been hacked into or something. Somebody has to be behind my innocent laptop playing this endless line up of hopeless tracks.
This is getting ridiculous. Next track = "I Can't Get Over You" by Damien Jurado. Gahhhhhh!
Feeling like things can only get better, I again hit next track. ONLY for iTunes to play one of my ex-boyfriend's singles! Are you kidding me, iTunes?!
REALLY?
Needless to say, I slammed my laptop shut and left the room. Jesus. Never again will I subject myself to my iTunes library on random.
Sometimes I wonder how many cigarettes I can smoke in a day in order to put off studying for my LSAT. It's really quite incredible --- the number of cigarettes, as well as the amount of time I spend thinking about how I should be studying but actually don't. Procrastination is truly an art form I have mastered. Finally! Something academically-related I, with very little effort, excel at. God, life is awesome.
Honestly, my flat is spotless. My bookshelf is meticulously dusted, my tupperware cabinet is anally organized. I even cleaned out my closet, weather-proofed every pair of boots I own, and every window = washed.
This is getting ridiculous. Must study............ tomorrow.
Because tonight I'm watching (500) Days of Summer (very excited for this) and drinking red wine with a girlfriend. Priorities, people!
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And.... I have... absolutely nothing else to say. Guess I'll smoke another American Spirit and continue with my No Reservations marathon. This is all very embarrassing... *shrug* - PUBLISH POST.
I left my mother and dad's and am now in my city, my flat. It's a bittersweet sort of thing. But I'm alright with it right now. It does feel good to be around my things -- sleep in my bed, watch my DVDs, pick out books from my bookshelf. And do other normal college-life things like go out for drinks with my friend Evan (currently waiting for him to pick me up... tick tock, Ev!), work (which I just got home from), go to the REC (the gym on the UW campus), study for the LSAT at my desk, gaze out my windows at the incredible view of the bluffs and the river! Etc etc etc. The list goes on (and on and on). So I will stop there. Anyway, it is pretty nice I guess.
Well, Evan is here to gather me for drinks. I best be off.
My goal is to post more (interesting things) when I get home. Cheers!
The after: oh hai again! Here I am, a bit drunken and smelling of American Spirits (yellow). And I am okay with all of this! Tonight was a success. Good to catch up with a good friend. Good to drink PBRs and wonderful (free) bloody marys. Life is silly in this way, don't you think?
I am off to bed now though. Much studying to do in the AM (well, realistically, the afternoon -- I reserve my mornings for coffee and interwebs time) before I tend bar at 6:00PM. Goodnight, all.
While browsing through photographs on my laptop I fell upon the following:
These beautiful photos taken by moi.
I miss Oregon. I miss Washington.
A lot.
. . . . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
Absolutely gorgeous, no?
*sigh*
. . . . .
Moving on... I am seriously looking at a couple of law schools in Chicago. I love Chicago. I could live in Chicago. Chicago could be the perfect fit for me. However, my mind changes daily regarding this issue of where to move, where to attend law school.
Adequately recapping past events to a pseudo-stranger is beyond difficult. Don't you think? While sitting at the fancy hotel bar I work at with a co-worker after close, we were discussing, um, things.
Just things.
Things which have happened over the past six months. While fumbling over my words and attempting to explain situations and emotions with my hands, I couldn't help but wonder... why am I even trying this? I can't even put my thoughts together in my own head. How in the world am I supposed to begin to explain (in a not-too-disclosive-too-soon sort of way) ANYTHING to another person who hasn't been here living through the ups and downs-- my day-to-day?
Anyway, it is just difficult I think. At least that is the conclusion of this evening's conversation. It turned out nicely though. God, it wasn't a disaster or anything! Just surprisingly, uh, difficult.
Yeah, difficult.
Once again, words are escaping me. And if I type the word "difficult" one more time I may throw my laptop out my window. And, well, talking with my hands doesn't go over too well via the internets. So. Goodnight.
So. As some may have noticed through past postings, I love a good boot. In the past two months, I have purchased more pairs of boots than I am actually comfortable to admit.
It's a problem! Kidding.
I like to chock up my excessive spending on the fact that I live in Wisconsin, and it is fucking cold here. I'm just trying to make it through the winter with both my feet, you know?
These are the classic Hunter boots (in hunter green).
I know everyone and their sister has a pair.
Whatever. I love them. Put me in a box with all the rest of the Kate Moss wannabes.
. . . . . . . .
These are my new-time favorites. Report Footwear produced this incredible motorcycle boot (and I got them on mega sale for $40!).
Thrilling.
Plus, I feel insanely badass while wearing these.
Seriously.
Pathetic reason perhaps; but badass nonetheless.
. . .
Actually, they make me feel as though I should be a part of this video by The Dead Weather (enjoy):
PS: I have such a shameless crush on Jack White.
. . . . . . . .
Now here is a Nine West boot I am admittedly pining over:
. . . . . . . . .
And although I am not much of a heels kind of girl, I really do adore these Qupid Finella 142 Black Triple Buckle Peep Toe Ankle Boots (via Pumpsicle.com). So much so that they may actually make me a "heels kind of girl":
I have come to the realization that my life has FAR too many moving parts. Hence, the abundance of broken pieces.
So. Solution = I need to simplify things. NEED to.
Compartmentalize my, uh, life!
Alright, so I am not a resolution-maker. Never have been. But perhaps this is the year? Five days late, but hey. (I have never been punctual either).
My head is constantly spinning with worry. When did this happen? Well, about five months ago actually. Anxiety can be absolutely debilitating! And it can drive a person totally mad! Especially a person who once personified optimism (or denial -- this is still up for debate). You feel foreign in your own skin. Your mindset changes with absolutely no forewarning. You feel as though you've gone out of your head; and, in all reality, you probably have.
First, I need to focus. On me. (This may sound narcistic, but after ages of refusing to do this I [in the most all-encompassing sense] have grown terribly weary). I must begin putting serious time into thinking about how particular situations, actions, and people affect ME. My mood. My happiness. My anxiety-ridden mind!
HA, I am actually giggling outloud to myself while typing this. How are these things so difficult for me?
Anyway.
Finally, I must focus on how incredibly rich my life is. For the short twenty-two years I have been around my days have been filled with blessings. ABSOLUTE blessings. My mother and dad, my sister, my ever-so patient and understanding friends. The places I have seen, the experiences I've had. The love I receive, the love I give.
Life is truly incredible if you think of it. Finical, demanding, fussy, completely uncompromising -- but delightful.
Breathe. Smirk. Turn off the laptop and take out the recycling.
2010's going to be just fine.
