School is going on. Blah. Nothing to say about this really. I am taking my Communication Studies (Advocacy & Cultural Criticism) capstone course which is wildly intense, but I knew this course was waiting for me my last semester. I am also in two political science courses (News Media & Politics and Intro to Public Administration). I enjoy them both fine, but the latter seems incredibly elementary. Maybe that is why I have been to 2 out of the 6 classes so far this semester. Oh well. My professor for the News Media course is great though. Wild, funny, honest and swears a lot. I like that. My favorite class by far, though, is my Environmental Studies capstone course. I'm one of only seven students in this course and the discussions are incredible. So many intelligent minds to bounce ideas off of. I have met some of the most interesting people (students and professors alike) in my Environmental Studies courses. I feel so lucky to be a (tiny) part of this program.
Also! I have had an epiphany of sorts. I will not be going to law school in the fall. Phew. It felt great to even just type those words. What a goddamn relief. There has been something weighing on me --- weighing on my mind and body, harrassing me with anxiety and constant worry. Finally, one day, I figured out the culprit: the LSAT, the thought of entering law school two months after completing my undergrad, the thought of being tied down to another school for three years.
Finally, one afternoon while listening to The Smiths, reading Ishmael and smoking an American Spirit everything became crystal clear: I don't want to go to law school in the fall. I don't want to take the LSAT on February 6th. I just don't want to! There has been a deep, partially hidden hesitation of sorts I have been feeling since September-ish when I decided that law school was the way to go. I thought it was nerves, my insecurities with taking standardized tests, the daunting task of applying to professional school while still completing my undergrad. I blamed my surroundings, my state of mind, my personal circumstances. I blamed pretty much everything to be totally honest. Other than, of course, the fact that I just really don't want to go.
After months and months of denial, I acted on these hesitations and decided to skip my LSAT last Saturday and not apply to law school in the fall. It was a truly incredible feeling. I cannot put it into words. I literally could not stop smiling for two days straight. It felt like a 9384938 pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My mind feels clearer and my future never more bright.
I just kept telling myself that I am twenty-two years old. I am so young! It's unbelievable! And as great as it is for some people to go onto professional/grad school right after completing their undergrad is --- I am just not one of those people. I need to figure things out before I'm thrown into another life of academics. I'm not 100% certain as to what I'll do, but I have a feeling whatever it is will be filled with all things magical --- love, laughter and beautiful people. I have so much confidence in that. It feels absolutely true and honest. I feel so content with my decision. I have never felt more free. Just happy.
I hope everyone feels as happy, young and free as I do right now.
However, I don't hope everyone has two papers to write tonight like I do. I must be off.
Track du Moment: "Chasing Pirates" by Norah Jones