This Country Will Know Us By Name

In this moment, I am happy.

Thank you (you know who you are).



R.M.
Love!

Heaven Can Wait

Track/Video/Album du Moment: See above

Easy/Lucky/Free

What an Internet haitus I have been on!  Truthfully, I enjoyed every second of it.  Now, though, it is time for a bit of a recap on my illustrious life.

School is going on.  Blah.  Nothing to say about this really.  I am taking my Communication Studies (Advocacy & Cultural Criticism) capstone course which is wildly intense, but I knew this course was waiting for me my last semester.  I am also in two political science courses (News Media & Politics and Intro to Public Administration).  I enjoy them both fine, but the latter seems incredibly elementary.  Maybe that is why I have been to 2 out of the 6 classes so far this semester.  Oh well.  My professor for the News Media course is great though.  Wild, funny, honest and swears a lot.  I like that.  My favorite class by far, though, is my Environmental Studies capstone course.   I'm one of only seven students in this course and the discussions are incredible.  So many intelligent minds to bounce ideas off of.  I have met some of the most interesting people (students and professors alike) in my Environmental Studies courses.  I feel so lucky to be a (tiny) part of this program.

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Also!  I have had an epiphany of sorts.  I will not be going to law school in the fall.  Phew.  It felt great to even just type those words.  What a goddamn relief.  There has been something weighing on me --- weighing on my mind and body, harrassing me with anxiety and constant worry.  Finally, one day, I figured out the culprit: the LSAT, the thought of entering law school two months after completing my undergrad, the thought of being tied down to another school for three years. 

Finally, one afternoon while listening to The Smiths, reading Ishmael and smoking an American Spirit everything became crystal clear: I don't want to go to law school in the fall.  I don't want to take the LSAT on February 6th.  I just don't want to!  There has been a deep, partially hidden hesitation of sorts I have been feeling since September-ish when I decided that law school was the way to go.  I thought it was nerves, my insecurities with taking standardized tests, the daunting task of applying to professional school while still completing my undergrad.  I blamed my surroundings, my state of mind, my personal circumstances.  I blamed pretty much everything to be totally honest.  Other than, of course, the fact that I just really don't want to go.

After months and months of denial, I acted on these hesitations and decided to skip my LSAT last Saturday and not apply to law school in the fall.  It was a truly incredible feeling.  I cannot put it into words.  I literally could not stop smiling for two days straight.  It felt like a 9384938 pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  My mind feels clearer and my future never more bright.

I just kept telling myself that I am twenty-two years old.  I am so young!  It's unbelievable!  And as great as it is for some people to go onto professional/grad school right after completing their undergrad is --- I am just not one of those people.  I need to figure things out before I'm thrown into another life of academics.  I'm not 100% certain as to what I'll do, but I have a feeling whatever it is will be filled with all things magical --- love, laughter and beautiful people.  I have so much confidence in that.  It feels absolutely true and honest.  I feel so content with my decision.  I have never felt more free.  Just happy.

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I hope everyone feels as happy, young and free as I do right now. 
However, I don't hope everyone has two papers to write tonight like I do.  I must be off.

Cheers!

Track du Moment: "Chasing Pirates" by Norah Jones

a Broken voice

Things have changed.  Pretty drastically.

And I'm happy.

(I shall delve into this more later, when I feel up to it.)

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For now, though, I am afraid I have fallen quite ill.  My voice has been mysteriously disappearing during these past few days.  My throat hasn't hurt, and I have felt all-around just fine.  I have just sounded ridiculous.  Unfortunately, all things came to a head for me last night as I now have a terrible cough, hardly any voice at all, and a touch of food poisoning.  Perfect!  I love spending my weekends in my bed.

Oh well.  Could be far worse.

I finally built up enough energy to make it to the Walgreens around 5:00PM today.  And I think the drugs (and low-cal Gatorade) are really helping.  Thank goodness... because I have a movie date tomorrow night!  *Smile*  I am finally going to see Up In The Air at a discount theatre downtown.  Very excited.  Must feel better.  Nobody likes the annoying cougher in a movie theatre.

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As for tonight, though, I plan on reading (and possibly finishing) Ishmael and watching The Hurt Locker (very excited to finally see this film as well), and, of course, resting my weary body.

Happy Saturday!  Somebody please have a dirty vodka martini for me.  Or at least a tall can of PBR and an American Spirit.

Track du Moment:  "Strawberry Wine" by Ryan Adams

Ishmael excerpt I

"There's nothing fundamentally wrong with people.  Given a story to enact that puts them in accord with the world, they will live in accord with the world.  But given a story to enact that puts them at odds with the world, as yours does, they will live at odds with the world.  Given a story to enact in which they are the lords of the world, they will act like lords of the world.  And, given a story to enact in which the world is a foe to be conquered, they will conquer it like a foe, and one day, inevitably, their foe will lie bleeding to death at their feet, as the world is now."

-Ishmael, p. 84

Track du Moment: "Pyramid Song" by Radiohead

Death by iTunes library

(500) Days of Summer has taught me the following things:

Have absolutely NO expectations.  Ever.
Never buy a greeting card.  Ever.
Oh, and that I should probably never date.  You know, ever, ever, ever again.

Even with those fun lessons learned, I truly did enjoy the film.  I really dig Zooey Deschanel (Summer); and how handsome/adorable/lovable was Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Tom)?!  He has experienced some, uh, changes since 3rd Rock From The Sun (looooved that show).

Photo via Google Images

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On a separate note, I am fairly certain my iTunes was trying to entice me to jump out of my window this afternoon. 

Here we go:
I am in my living room having a nice afternoon post-work out and errands --- I am reading, writing a little, and feeling pleasant.  Then I make the innocent mistake of deciding to start up my iTunes and listen to a little music while relaxing.  iTunes loads and I hit the shuffle button at the bottom of my iTunes window.  Keep in mind: I have nearly 4,000 songs in my iTunes library. 

First song that randomly plays:  "Walk Away" by Ben Harper.  Has anyone ever heard this absolutely heartwrenching (depressing) song?!  Oh god, it's terrible! 
So I walk over to my laptop, skip this suicidal thought enducing tune to the next random song.  My laptop sang "House Of The Rising Sun".  Ahhh, The Doors.  I was content once again....... for four minutes and thirty-two seconds anyway. 
Next song up: "Lover I Don't Have To Love" by Bright Eyes.  Jesus Christ.  At this point, I am thinking my computer has been hacked into or something.  Somebody has to be behind my innocent laptop playing this endless line up of hopeless tracks. 
This is getting ridiculous.  Next track = "I Can't Get Over You" by Damien Jurado.  Gahhhhhh!
Feeling like things can only get better, I again hit next track.  ONLY for iTunes to play one of my ex-boyfriend's singles!  Are you kidding me, iTunes?! 

REALLY?

Needless to say, I slammed my laptop shut and left the room.  Jesus.  Never again will I subject myself to my iTunes library on random.

Track du Moment:  "Superstar" by Sonic Youth

American Spirits (yellow)

Sometimes I wonder how many cigarettes I can smoke in a day in order to put off studying for my LSAT.  It's really quite incredible --- the number of cigarettes, as well as the amount of time I spend thinking about how I should be studying but actually don't.  Procrastination is truly an art form I have mastered.  Finally!  Something academically-related I, with very little effort, excel at.  God, life is awesome.

Honestly, my flat is spotless.  My bookshelf is meticulously dusted, my tupperware cabinet is anally organized.  I even cleaned out my closet, weather-proofed every pair of boots I own, and every window = washed. 

This is getting ridiculous.  Must study............ tomorrow. 

Because tonight I'm watching (500) Days of Summer (very excited for this) and drinking red wine with a girlfriend.  Priorities, people!

________________


And.... I have... absolutely nothing else to say.  Guess I'll smoke another American Spirit and continue with my No Reservations marathon.  This is all very embarrassing... *shrug* - PUBLISH POST.

Track du Moment:  "Simple Life" by The Weepies

Life, unfortunately

I really like Jeff Bridges. 
He reminds me of my late grandfather (which is way cool). 

And this was just great.

For me, the highlight of the Golden Globes:

. . .

And the Crazy Heart trailer:

EDIT:  Finally saw this film. 
Incredible.  Highly recommended. 
Bridges deserves the Oscar.

Track du Moment:  "Slow Down Jo" by Monsters of Folk

Eh?

Alright, I feel pretty lame for posting this. 

But am unable to help myself.

I find these pairings adorable.

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. . .

. . .

Photos via Google Images

Track du Moment:  "Sisters of Mercy" by Leonard Cohen

Jumping off the bridge

Because I know you care
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Here are my top 25 favorite albums of the 2000s
in no particular order:

Amnesiac - Radiohead

Acid Tongue - Jenny Lewis

Control - Pedro The Lion

The Greatest - Cat Power

Get Behind Me Satan - The White Stripes

Headphones - Headphones

And Now That I'm In Your Shadow - Damien Jurado

Figure 8 - Elliott Smith

Everything All The Time - Band of Horses

Rabbit Fur Coat - Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins

Veckatimest - Grizzly Bear

White Chalk - PJ Harvey

Boxer - The National

Monsters of Folk - Monsters of Folk

Hail to the Thief - Radiohead

Digital Ash in a Digital Urn - Bright Eyes

Neon Bible - The Arcade Fire

Kid A - Radiohead

Things We Lost In The Fire - Low

Third - Portishead

I'm Wide Awake It's Morning - Bright Eyes

In Rainbows - Radiohead

Drums and Guns - Low

Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea - PJ Harvey

Want One - Rufus Wainwright

Honorable mentions (I really just had to cut myself off at 25):

Tribute To - Yim Yames
The Reminder - Feist

For Emma, Forever Ago - Bon Iver
Takk - Sigur Rós
The Shepherd's Dog - Iron & Wine

It's Blitz! - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Offend Maggie - Deerhoof
The Eraser - Thom Yorke
Curse Your Branches - David Bazan

Chulahoma - The Black Keys

Greetings From Michigan: The Great Lakes State - Sufjan Stevens

Horehound - The Dead Weather

Veneer - José González

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Track (and video) du Moment:
"Collapsing At Your Doorstep" by Air France

Oh hai

It has been a neat day thus far. 

I left my mother and dad's and am now in my city, my flat.  It's a bittersweet sort of thing.  But I'm alright with it right now.  It does feel good to be around my things -- sleep in my bed, watch my DVDs, pick out books from my bookshelf.  And do other normal college-life things like go out for drinks with my friend Evan (currently waiting for him to pick me up... tick tock, Ev!), work (which I just got home from), go to the REC (the gym on the UW campus), study for the LSAT at my desk, gaze out my windows at the incredible view of the bluffs and the river!  Etc etc etc.  The list goes on (and on and on).  So I will stop there.  Anyway, it is pretty nice I guess.

Well, Evan is here to gather me for drinks.  I best be off.
My goal is to post more (interesting things) when I get home.  Cheers!

The after:  oh hai again!  Here I am, a bit drunken and smelling of American Spirits (yellow).  And I am okay with all of this!  Tonight was a success.  Good to catch up with a good friend.  Good to drink PBRs and wonderful (free) bloody marys.  Life is silly in this way, don't you think?
I am off to bed now though.  Much studying to do in the AM (well, realistically, the afternoon -- I reserve my mornings for coffee and interwebs time) before I tend bar at 6:00PM.  Goodnight, all.

Album du Moment:  "Boxer" by The National

The past

              While browsing through photographs on my laptop I fell upon the following:

These beautiful photos taken by moi.

I miss Oregon.  I miss Washington. 
A lot.

. . . . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

Absolutely gorgeous, no?

*sigh*

. . . . .

Moving on... I am seriously looking at a couple of law schools in Chicago.  I love Chicago.  I could live in Chicago.  Chicago could be the perfect fit for me.  However, my mind changes daily regarding this issue of where to move, where to attend law school. 

Eh, stay tuned. 

Album du Moment: "Third" by Portishead

Livre du Moment: Beat The Reaper by Josh Bazell;

Cracking The LSAT by The Princeton Review

Oh well, okay

Adequately recapping past events to a pseudo-stranger is beyond difficult.  Don't you think?  While sitting at the fancy hotel bar I work at with a co-worker after close, we were discussing, um, things.

Just things. 

Things which have happened over the past six months.  While fumbling over my words and attempting to explain situations and emotions with my hands, I couldn't help but wonder... why am I even trying this?  I can't even put my thoughts together in my own head.  How in the world am I supposed to begin to explain (in a not-too-disclosive-too-soon sort of way) ANYTHING to another person who hasn't been here living through the ups and downs-- my day-to-day? 

Anyway, it is just difficult I think.  At least that is the conclusion of this evening's conversation.  It turned out nicely though.  God, it wasn't a disaster or anything!  Just surprisingly, uh, difficult.

Yeah, difficult.

Once again, words are escaping me.  And if I type the word "difficult" one more time I may throw my laptop out my window.  And, well, talking with my hands doesn't go over too well via the internets.          So.  Goodnight.

Keeping my feet

So.  As some may have noticed through past postings, I love a good boot.  In the past two months, I have purchased more pairs of boots than I am actually comfortable to admit. 

It's a problem!  Kidding. 

I like to chock up my excessive spending on the fact that I live in Wisconsin, and it is fucking cold here.  I'm just trying to make it through the winter with both my feet, you know?

These are the classic Hunter boots (in hunter green). 

I know everyone and their sister has a pair. 

Whatever.  I love them.  Put me in a box with all the rest of the Kate Moss wannabes.

. . . . . . . .

These are my new-time favorites.  Report Footwear produced this incredible motorcycle boot (and I got them on mega sale for $40!). 

Thrilling. 

Plus, I feel insanely badass while wearing these.

 Seriously. 

Pathetic reason perhaps; but badass nonetheless.

. . .

Actually, they make me feel as though I should be a part of this video by The Dead Weather (enjoy):

PS: I have such a shameless crush on Jack White.

. . . . . . . .

Now here is a Nine West boot I am admittedly pining over:

. . . . . . . . .

And although I am not much of a heels kind of girl, I really do adore these Qupid Finella 142 Black Triple Buckle Peep Toe Ankle Boots (via Pumpsicle.com).  So much so that they may actually make me a "heels kind of girl":

. . . . . . . .

Well, that is all for me today.

Cheers.

Fewer moving parts means fewer broken pieces

I have come to the realization that my life has FAR too many moving parts. Hence, the abundance of broken pieces.

So. Solution = I need to simplify things. NEED to.
Compartmentalize my, uh, life!

Alright, so I am not a resolution-maker. Never have been. But perhaps this is the year? Five days late, but hey. (I have never been punctual either).

My head is constantly spinning with worry. When did this happen? Well, about five months ago actually. Anxiety can be absolutely debilitating! And it can drive a person totally mad! Especially a person who once personified optimism (or denial -- this is still up for debate). You feel foreign in your own skin. Your mindset changes with absolutely no forewarning. You feel as though you've gone out of your head; and, in all reality, you probably have.

First, I need to focus. On me. (This may sound narcistic, but after ages of refusing to do this I [in the most all-encompassing sense] have grown terribly weary). I must begin putting serious time into thinking about how particular situations, actions, and people affect ME. My mood. My happiness. My anxiety-ridden mind!
HA, I am actually giggling outloud to myself while typing this. How are these things so difficult for me?

Anyway.

Finally, I must focus on how incredibly rich my life is. For the short twenty-two years I have been around my days have been filled with blessings. ABSOLUTE blessings. My mother and dad, my sister, my ever-so patient and understanding friends. The places I have seen, the experiences I've had. The love I receive, the love I give.

Life is truly incredible if you think of it. Finical, demanding, fussy, completely uncompromising -- but delightful.

Breathe. Smirk. Turn off the laptop and take out the recycling.
2010's going to be just fine.