Saturday, December 12, 2009

Doors are opening.  I know this.  They are obnoxiously widening their angles right in front of my face.  This should make me feel assured, excited, lighthearted, young, fortunate.  Instead, I feel despondent, spent, reserved, lost.  As though all hope for the things I felt to be permanent for so long really are gone.  They are dissipating slowly at every passing moment.  As each day ends, this fragment of my life is slowly fading away.  Dispersing memories and plans amongst new experiences, new memories, new people -- friends and lovers.  I am left concerned.  Feeling frightened, disheartened.  Questioning if I should be allowing this to happen.  Is there even an option?  Are there options?  Is there a way for me to be proactively not allowing all of this to happen?  Rhetorical questions which I pose here.  Questions which ravage my mind on a daily basis.  Breathe.  Must remember to breathe more slowly, and allow my head to rest more often.

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